... Bob's Fabricated Interview
This week Bob visits with ...
The Beer Rescuing Russian Army
| Bob: |
Well perhaps there was no clear winner to the cold war, but our Russian friends deserve a respectful American salute after their daring beer rescue last week. In case you hadn't heard the Russian Army was deployed to rescue 10 tons of beer and the truck that was transporting it across the Irtysh river. So today I have the fabricated good fortune of meeting with Captain Boris Anudadrink to interview him about that proud day in Russian history. Boris, tell me about the tank you used to help retrieve the beer, did it have any special equipment? | |
| Boris: |
The tank vas equipped with two BKRDs that vere designed just for zis sort of mission. You vould know zem as Beer Keg Retrieving Devices. |
|
| Bob: |
Well know I wouldn't, but that's OK. It is true that a cargo plane full of peanuts was also deployed to the rescue location? | |
| Boris: | We try to coordinate zese type of operations with our Air Force, yah, zatz true. | |
| Bob: |
But I'm sure you had to be careful not to leave certain areas unguarded. | |
| Boris: | We were mildly concerned that zis redloyment might leave our vodka supplies less secure, but war iz about rizk taking.: | |
| Bob: | But I heard your tank had been guarding your border near North Korea. Weren't you worried about leaving that unguarded? | |
| Boris: |
:It was early in ze day, ven ze Kim Jong-il stares proudly at his very tall shadow. He would never attack at zose hours. Ve took many precautions to keepinze a safe mission. | |
| Bob: |
Really. Tell me about some of them. |
|
| Boris: | Well ve took out ze radar of ze nearby fishing boats zo they vould not get ze beer before us. | |
| Bob: |
Wow, very aggressive, what else did you do? |
|
| Boris: | Ve had pozitioned ze snipers on ze nearby hillsides because we had heard zat zere was a beer guzzling zircus bear zat had escaped and vas heading our vay. | |
| Bob: | It sounds like you took every precaution, but I heard you still had a soldier get injured. What happened? | |
| Boris: | Corporal Twistov was injured trying to put one of ze kegs in his car. He broke a finger, but we zink he vill be avarded ze Purple Liver. | |
| Bob: | Why am I not surprised? Tell me about the rest of your crew. | |
| Boris: |
Vell zer was Private Bottumzup, Corporal Klozingtyme, Belayup Tulabar and Sargent Guzzlerovich. We just call him Guzzler. |
|
| Bob: | Well that was quite a team, and quite a mission. Maybe you could clear up one more thing for me. There's rumors back in the states that the Russian Army was planning to trade some weapons for American beer. Have you heard anything about that? | |
| Boris: | Well zat has been top zecret, but zince you mention it, I will just tell you zat ze program is called ze Scuds For Buds. | |
| Bob: | I think the Russian Army is bound to have high morale for as long as these priorities are in place. You have been a great interview Boris, and I want to thank you for sharing your story with my website viewers. | |
| Boris | Zo Bob, do you zink you Americans might make a movie about our heroic rescue? | |
| Bob: |
I will definitely suggest it. We could call it Hunt For Red Octoberfest. And thanks again Boris for donating that keg. It will come in handy for the Super Bowl next week. Have a great week everybody! | |
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| Democratic Hopefuls 01/11/04 | ||
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| Santa 12/14/03 | ||
| Tom The Turkey 11/23/03 | ||
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| My Wife 05/04/03 | ||
| Tom White 04/27/02 | ||
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| Easter Bunny 04/13/03 | ||
| Kim Jong-il 04/06/03 | ||
| Muhammed al-Douri 03/30/03 | ||
| George W. Bush 03/23/03 | ||
| Jacques Chirac 03/16/03 | ||
| Khalid Interview 03/09/03 | ||
| Saddam Hussein Interview 03/02/03 |