Well each day it seems to be more clear that the Democratic nomination will go to John Kerry, so I searched the world over to see if I could find a relative that knew John as a child so we could get some perspective on what our country's candidate was like growing up.  I stumbled on his lovely Aunt Rhoda Frankenstein from Transylvakia.  So how are you related to John exactly?

Oy!  His father's father, is my father.  Johnny is such a good boy.  If only he would write more often.  An Aunt could be sick or dying, but no now my little Johnny is a big shot, and he doesn't have time for Aunt Rhoda.

So your Dad was that Fritz Kohn guy?  The Czech Jew.  The guy who took a pencil and a map to decide what his new last name was going to be?

But your name is Frankenstein.  Is that you married name?

:You've never actually seen his whole neck have you?  Johnny is actually  partially assembled himself, but he's adjusting nicely.  He's not the same boy who wrote to me as a child asking for advice.

I understand he spent a lot of time in prep schools away from his family.  So your the one he asked a lot of tough questions of?

:Well I have here a letter he wrote when he was eight.  I'll read you a little.  "Dear Aunt Rhoda,  Why don't the girl dogs stand on three legs?  And what's a dam rebubblecan anyway?  Oh yeah, what are the priests doing between Monday and Saturday?

Questions more probing than a WMD intelligence investigation.  Did he ever ask about his ancestry, or the Frankenstein name?

I'll give you that.  Did he ever write to you about his admiration of John Kennedy, and the time they spent together?

Well yes he did, but I have to admit when I first read the words "purple heart",  I'm thinking there's more biological realities coming to light.  What a brave boy he was..

So there you have it America.  Perhaps John Kerry's is the answer America needs.  A complicated man with a piece for everyone to appreciate.  If your more interested in dating than politics, I should mention that Aunt Rhoda is still available, and her profile is no doubt out there on Match.com somewhere. 

Have a great week!