While I am a man of great wealth from a happiness perspective, I'm afraid my income could entertain improvement.  That being said, I thought I'd finally answer Bill Gate's phone calls pleading with me to be his personal humorist.  Bill has laid an offer on the table of zero dollars a week with a billion dollar signing bonus.  Bill, I worry that you would be left with a measly 60 billion if you gave me one.  How would you get by?

I actually have 23 years worth of deposit bottles that I haven't returned.  I think that will cover most of it.  I need you to write limericks, top ten lists, and roasts to make me popular in the world's eyes again.

So you think that if people think you're funny, they'll get past their jealousy about your being rich enough to buy the continent that they're standing on

Well before I agree, I was hoping you could satisfy some of my curiosities about the richest man in the world.  Have you ever been to a Dollar Discount Store?

:Well I've never actually eaten it, but there was a time where I was buying 600 pounds of it each day and having a free float waterbed mattress stuffed with it.  I found the 80% was a great consistency for sleep.

What is the last thing you didn't do because it was too expensive?

:There was a kid down the road from one of my mansions selling lemonade for a dollar a cup.  That's outrageous, I wouldn't pay that much.  I set up my own stand for fifty cents a cup and ran her out of business.  It's a dog eat kid world out there.

And what about coupons, when's the last time you used a coupon?

So how much does a supreme court judge cost anyway?

As a matter of fact I've spent billions of dollars on chefs all over the world trying to have them come up with a decent tasting fruitcake, but it seems impossible.

That's certainly an odd dance to go with that chant.  Maybe the billion dollars would be better spent on ballet.  You might even want to spend some on a gift for your neighbor who hasn't been motivated enough to get back on her tricycle since you undercut her lemonade stand.  I'll keep plugging away right here I think.

Have a great week!