... Bob's Fabricated Interview
This week Bob visits with ...
Rupert Murdoch
| Bob: |
One week it's Bill Gates, a couple weeks later it's Rupert Murdoch, gee whiz, I'm gonna have to get a nicer pen. As most of you likely know, Rupert is a media giant, owner of Fox, as well as several television and newspaper companies. Since almost winning American Idol, Rupert has apparently made a name for himself turning things that are proud and failing into things that are cheap and attractive. So I have the good fortune of interviewing a man who could get hookers from a nursing home. What's life like for Rupert Murdoch? | |
| Rupert: |
Pretty good. What's this Speechboosters stuff all about anyway. It looks cute. Maybe I'll buy it. |
|
| Bob: |
There's no point Sir. We're already cheap and attractive. In my exhaustive hour of research I learned many things about you. | |
| Rupert: | Well you're not exactly well read are you? | |
| Bob: |
It's like I always said, a well read writer just isn't busy enough. I hear you have been quoted a few times yourself, is that right? | |
| Rupert: | Well I've been misquoted mostly. People say I said "For better or for worse, our company (The News Corporation Ltd.) is a reflection of my thinking, my character, my values." What I really said was " For cash and more cash, our company has no thinking, no character, and no values"., But with statements like that, how can I blame anyone for misquoting me? | |
| Bob: | Good point. Now I read somewhere in there that you bought the New York Post Office and really turned things around. Are you the one who raised the price of stamps? | |
| Rupert: |
:Journalists like you are just what I'm looking for. Are you happy here? | |
| Bob: |
Looks like you don't read much either. What I don't understand is how a guy like you who loves buying the worn and fixing it up, can keep from spending all his time garage saling and ebaying. How do you do it? |
|
| Rupert: |
:My wife Wendy won't let me. She says I can't bring home any more multi-million dollar companies until I get rid of some of the ones that have just been lying around the house. |
|
| Bob: |
You mean like Star? |
|
| Rupert: | How was I supposed to know the Chinese would not relate to Bart Simpson. | |
| Bob: |
My guess is they're afraid to laugh out loud. By the way, The Simpson's, now there's writing. If you ever garage sale those guys, we'll just stand by and wait for the rest of the collapse. |
|
| Rupert: | It's a show about exaggerations and famous people. It's basically my creed. The Simpson's aren't going anywhere. | |
| Bob: | That's right. I almost forgot, you own a bunch of tabloids. I have to ask, is it true? | |
| Rupert: | Would I print anything else. Is what true? | |
| Bob: | That Kristie Alley was actually seen on a teeter tauter with an oxen. | |
| Rupert: |
You're mean. Seriously, have we printed that yet? 'Cause I could run with that. We'll bump the "Martha's Jail Slaves Making Curtains" and run with yours... I mean mine. |
|
| Bob: | I wouldn't dream of taking the credit. I guess there's a whole bunch of people interested in buying what your selling. But I know if Elvis really were alive aboard Bill Gate's alien ship, he would find a way to get us his music. | |
| Rupert: | Keep your eyes peeled. I'll be selling it soon. | |
| Bob: |
I'd better just shut up. OK Speechboosters fans that's no reason to applaud. Stop that. Rupert, you've been a guest. What kind of guest, I haven't decided, but you've definitely been a guest. Can I have that pen back? If you ever want to trade a sports team for some humor, give me a call. And don't try to trade me the Houston Oilers. Have a great week everybody! Happy Spring Time! | |
| Interviews
Of Yesterweek
| ||
| Bill Gates 03/07/04 | ||
| John Kerry 02/15/04 | ||
| Janet And Justin 02/01/04 | ||
| Russian Army 01/25/04 | ||
| Democratic Hopefuls 01/11/04 | ||
| Prahlad Jani 01/04/04 | ||
| Santa 12/14/03 | ||
| Tom The Turkey 11/23/03 | ||
| Steve Bartman 10/25/03 | ||
| Bill Welke 10/11/03 | ||
| California Gubernatorial Candidates 09/13/03 | ||
| Palace Guard 08/17/03 | ||
| Pope John Paul II 08/03/03 | ||
| Tiger Woods 07/27/03 | ||
| Howard Dean 06/22/03 | ||
| Darl McBride 06/15/03 | ||
| Cupid 06/08/03 | ||
| Javad Zarif 06/01/03 | ||
| Alan Greenspan 05/25/03 | ||
| Uncle Tonucci 05/18/03 | ||
| Fairy Tale Moms 05/11/03 | ||
| My Wife 05/04/03 | ||
| Tom White 04/27/02 | ||
| Lisa Marie Presley 04/20/03 | ||
| Easter Bunny 04/13/03 | ||
| Kim Jong-il 04/06/03 | ||
| Muhammed al-Douri 03/30/03 | ||
| George W. Bush 03/23/03 | ||
| Jacques Chirac 03/16/03 | ||
| Khalid Interview 03/09/03 | ||
| Saddam Hussein Interview 03/02/03 |
