This week Bob visits with Iraqi Ambassador To The UN

Muhammed al-Douri

 

 
Bob:   Greetings Muhammed. As ambassador to the United Nations for Iraq you have been quite busy lately.  You've made a number of claims since the war began that seem to be contrary to what the American people are being led to believe.  Why do you suppose that is?
al_Douri:   Just because your American journalists are allowed to say anything with your freedoms of the press, and that I might be killed if I report the facts, you think I'm the one telling lies.
     
Bob:   But you sound convinced that despite the reported destruction of 35% of the Medina division of the Republican Guard, and thousands of Iraqi POWs, Iraq is winning the war.
al_Douri:   We are defeating the United States convincingly.  You have resorted to attacking our civilians.
     
Bob:   Would those be the soldiers dressed as civilians, or the civilians with the bombs in their cars?
al_Douri:   It does not matter.  Our civilians will destroy you.  We have reports of a young Iraqi boy downing three Apache helicopters with a pointed stick. 
     
Bob:   Wow. That's some stick.  What else can you tell us?
al_Douri:   In Baghdad, there was an 87 year old blind Iraqi women who fought an entire marine division hand to hand.  She has them captured in her basement.
     
Bob:   You mentioned last week that the reason you were storing those chemical suits was because you feared the coalition would use chemical or biological weapons against you, is that right?
al_Douri:   Yes. You've destroyed all our missile launchers, so there's no way we could use our own.  Excuse me, please retract that.  You will need to use them because we have you nearly defeated.
     
Bob:   That's right, I forgot about that.  So have a lot of other people apparently.  I don't know if anyone has asked you lately.  Who won the last Gulf War?
al_Douri:   Iraq won.  You cowards left didn't you?
     
Bob:   Yes, partially anyway, but not before Kuwait was no longer under Iraqi occupation.
al_Douri:   We simply forgot the Folgers. We planned on returning very soon.
     
Bob:   Iraqis are as great a people as any in the world, yet your assessment of their armies being able to overcome seemingly massive advantages by the opposition, makes me believe that you think Iraqis are invinceable.
al_Douri:   I myself could defeat Kasparov at chess, Tyson in the ring, and Paula Abdul in a dance contest.
     
Bob:   I'm sorry, but there's some things we just don't want to see.  Well maybe the 2nd one, but truly I think we Americans would like to end all the violence and help Iraqis become an even greater people.  Thank you for the interview.  Do you need some help untangling your arms and jaw from those puppet strings?
al_Douri:   No thank you.  I'm used to it.
     
     
Bob:   Mr al-Douri was certainly an interesting guest and we hope one day he can return to Earth.  Who says Iraq doesn't have a space program?   Tune in next week for another Speechbooster interview.
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    Interviews Of Yesterweek

 
    George W. Bush 03/23/03
    Jacques Chirac 03/16/03
    Khalid Interview 03/09/03
    Saddam Hussein Interview  03/02/03