... Bob's Fabricated Interview
This week Bob visits with ...
Gov. Howard Dean
(Presidential Candidate From Vermont)
| Bob: | This week's interview is with Howard Dean, the 6 term former governor of my home state of Vermont. Howard's success as a Democratic Primary candidate has taken the country by storm, and since he's practically in my back yard, I asked him to take some time out to talk to Speechboosters. He agreed on one condition. That I didn't mention his son breaking into a nearby country club last week, so I won't mention it. OK. Let's get started. Are you still sure you don't want me to mention your son breaking into that country club? | |
| Howard: | As sure as I am, that I can still have Vermont State police harass people that harass me. | |
| Bob: | OK.... moving along... A president from Vermont, wow, I think the last one was Calvin Coolidge wasn't it? | |
| Howard: | Yeah. He was big into the balanced budget thing also, but I've got this liberal thing going too. | |
| Bob: | Sounds like your platform might include low budget gay pride parades. | |
| Howard: | I'm writing that down. What else you got? | |
| Bob: | Well, you should stand by the successes of Vermont, and the fact that our state is continually voted one of the best in the country to live in. | |
| Howard: | Yeah, but I'll have to put the right spin on it. | |
| Bob: | There would definitely be some dos and don'ts. Like tell them about our low crime rate, but don't tell them that the reason is that most criminals prefer to live where they won't leave footprints in the snow 7 months out of the year, and that when they burglarize a home, most don't want to go back out in the cold. Did I mention burglary?... sorry. | |
| Howard: | Yeah, the old half truth thing. I can do that.. | |
| Bob: | And tell them about our low teen pregnancy percentage, but don't mention our teen weight problem, our teen dental problem, and our small towns where teen pregnancy occurs soon after marriage and isn't counted in the statistics. | |
| Howard: | You're in the wrong line of work. You should work for me. What about our low violent crime rate? | |
| Bob: | Definitely mention that, but don't mention about the accidental deaths that occur during deer season, especially the ones with hammers and ropes. | |
| Howard: | You're OK. How about helping me with a campaign slogan? | |
| Bob: | How about "Dean - Not Just For Breakfast Anymore" | |
| Howard:: | That's pretty good, but I was thinking about something as bit more patriotic. | |
| Bob: | You mean like how if we all band together we can make the country better kind of theme, right? | |
| Howard: | Yeah, exactly. | |
| Bob: | How about "You can take Dean out of the Country Club, but you can't take The Country's Club out of Dean" | |
| Howard: | Get me my cell phone, would you? What road did you say you live on? | |
| Bob: | I guess it's time for me to go. I hope everyone is enjoying their summer. Please keep Speechboosters in mind for wedding toasts. I can help make yours one to remember. | |
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| Interviews Of
Yesterweek
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| Darl McBride 06/15/03 | ||
| Cupid 06/08/03 | ||
| Javad Zarif 06/01/03 | ||
| Alan Greenspan 05/25/03 | ||
| Uncle Tonucci 05/18/03 | ||
| Fairy Tale Moms 05/11/03 | ||
| My Wife 05/04/03 | ||
| Tom White 04/27/02 | ||
| Lisa Marie Presley 04/20/03 | ||
| Easter Bunny 04/13/03 | ||
| Kim Jong-il 04/06/03 | ||
| Muhammed al-Douri 03/30/03 | ||
| George W. Bush 03/23/03 | ||
| Jacques Chirac 03/16/03 | ||
| Khalid Interview 03/09/03 | ||
| Saddam Hussein Interview 03/02/03 |
