... Bob's Fabricated Interview  

 

This week Bob visits with ...

Pope John Paul II

 

 
     
Bob:   This week I travel to The Vatican to visit with Pope John Paul II.  The catholic church has certainly been in the limelight lately and we thought we'd give Pope John Paul II a break and ask him some easier questions.  After all I am a former alter boy, and I don't want to get on the bad side of the big guy.  So your highness, when we take into consideration that you're probably about the only one left on the planet with the influence to help create peace on Earth, how do you suggest we cope with the situations in Iraq, North Korea, Liberia, Afghanistan, and Los Angeles with Kobe Bryant?
Pope John Paul II:   Great "Easy" opener Bob.  I think you better cut me some slack on the "peace on earth" thing.  I've been trying to settle disputes with my kitchen staff over daily menu items, and there's pretty much just this one guy to cook for.
     
Bob:   I would have to guess that membership has been tailing off lately.  Do you have any plans to recruit new Catholics?
Pope John Paul II:   Not really.  It's pretty much something your born into.  Do you have any suggestions?
     
Bob:   Well first of all, let me suggest you spice things up a bit.  For example, do you always have to read from the bible?  Just once I'd like to hear a priest say "A reading from the book of Seuss...  Left foot, left foot, left foot, right."
Pope John Paul II:   I think we'll pretty much stick to the one book.  But even if we did spice up the readings, I'm not sure that would get the word around very well.
     
Bob:   You're right.  What the Catholic Church needs right now is a TV show.  A reality show.
Pope John Paul II:   I got it.  We call it "The Confessional", and we get cameras going while people are explaining their weekly sins.
     
Bob:   I think I'm a bad influence on you.  Why don't we stick to more conservative changes.  I was thinking, that rosary thing, does it really need to be so long.  What about one you could wear as a bracelet.  I think 15 Hail Marys, A Glory Be, and a Lord's Prayer ought to do it.
Pope John Paul II:   I'd have to say it may be a bad time to sacrifice discipline for membership.
     
Bob:   I say get the members and reinstall the discipline later.  I say while the usual 1 hour mass is going on, why not offer an express mass over at the rectory.  Guaranteed weekly commitments in 15 minutes or less.
Pope John Paul II:   God blessed you with creativity, but you need some work.  I think the Catholic church will regain all it's popularity without radical changes.
     
Bob:   What about all the controversy in the priesthood?
Pope John Paul II:   I thought you weren't asking any tough questions.
     
     
Bob:   Not that controversy,  I mean the Tuesday or Friday controversy.
Pope John Paul II::   I don't think it matters that much whether Bingo night is on Tuesday night or Friday night.  I say why not do both and raise extra money for the church.
     
Bob:   I hear there might be a new Pope Mobile in the works.
Pope John Paul II:   There actually should have been one already, but I tried to order it online, and it came without a Pope Moon Roof.  I can't very well hang my body out the window now, can I?
     
Bob:   No I think you should definitely go with the Pope Moon Roof, and don't forget the holy water washer fluid.  Hey did you ever see the movie Sister Act?
Pope John Paul II:   Yes I did.  I think the biggest sin in that movie was Whoopi's hair.
     
     
Bob:   Well. It's been an honor.  I hope things turnaround soon for the church.  I know keeping the faith is what it's all about.  Have a great week everybody.
     

Speechboosters Home Page -

 
    Interviews Of Yesterweek

 
    Tiger Woods 07/27/03
    Howard Dean 06/15/03
    Darl McBride 06/15/03
    Cupid 06/08/03
    Javad Zarif 06/01/03
    Alan Greenspan 05/25/03
    Uncle Tonucci 05/18/03
    Fairy Tale Moms 05/11/03
    My Wife  05/04/03
    Tom White 04/27/02
    Lisa Marie Presley 04/20/03
    Easter Bunny 04/13/03
    Kim Jong-il 04/06/03
    Muhammed al-Douri 03/30/03
    George W. Bush 03/23/03
    Jacques Chirac 03/16/03
    Khalid Interview 03/09/03
    Saddam Hussein Interview  03/02/03