... Bob's Fabricated Interview
This week Bob visits with ...
Umpire Bill Welke
| Bob: | Well I'll have to say there's probably no tougher job in professional sports than being an umpire or referee, and since it's prime sports season right now, this week I thought I would have a fabricated interview with umpire Bill Welke. Bill, as I mentioned the job is tough we all know, but after that obstruction call the other night I have to ask, do you guys have a vision plan? | |
| Bill: | Do you have a dental plan? | |
| Bob: | Well said. Hey I gotta tell ya, I'm no Red Sox fan, heck being born in Buffalo like I was means all guys with bats are to be respected, but that guy rounding third the other night was more obstructed than a toddler on Free Cheese Day. | |
| Bill: | I've already explained, the runner stopped so the play wasn't close, therefore there is no obstruction. | |
| Bob: | So let me get this straight, rather than slow down and use sign language to encourage movement in your optic nerves, that base runner was supposed to try to crash into the big guy with the suit of armor that had just crippled his teammate just moments earlier. | |
| Bill:: | That was what I hoped to see before I gave him the base. | |
| Bob: | Woah! I bet your kids don't ask for an allowance. Well I know first hand that your job is thankless. | |
| Bill: | How's that? | |
| Bob: | I've actually refereed my daughter's fifth grade basketball games before. I know what it's like to go home and find someone has hooked your dog up with a seeing eye harness. | |
| Bill: | You know you can sell those on Ebay. | |
| Bob: | Hey I know you're a third base umpire, but I hear you work the plate pretty good at meal times. | |
| Bill: | Well I don't think you're coming in last place in any Bambino Look Alike contest either. | |
| Bob: | You're right, I shouldn't pick on your weight. I'm not done picking on your vision yet. Is it true as a child you were the only kid allowed to swing at the piņata without a blindfold. | |
| Bill: | You never answered the dental plan question. | |
| Bob: | Hey don't worry. I'm sure you have fans, heck my wife's grandmother is a fan. She said to thank you for inspiring the new large print version of Reader's Digest. | |
| Bill: | And you're about to be on the wrong side of one of their funny "Men In Uniform" stories. | |
| Bob: | OK sorry. Could you just pass me my coffee. | |
| Bill: | Sure. Where is it. | |
| Bob: | It's right there in front of you. Mine's the one on the left. | |
| Bill:: | Here you go. Where's mine? | |
| Bob: | Yours would be the one on the right. Maybe you should consider a career auditing major utility companies. Well thank you all for being here. I hope you enjoyed the interview. Excuse me Bill.... Yo Bill... the way out is over this way. | |
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