... Bob's Fabricated Interview
This week Bob visits with ...
Unlucky Cubs Fan Steve Bartman
| Bob: | This is without a doubt one of the toughest fabricated interviews I'll ever do. Steve Bartman, the Chicago fan who tried to take a souvenir home and ended up getting blamed for an eight run defensive collapse. I think I can safely say I would have likely done the same thing, but fortunately I'm not in front of a national audience very often, and I usually demonstrate my poor timing in front of just my family, friends, or coworkers. So Steve Bartman, tell us about that day. | |
| Steve: | Well It was pretty cold that morning, so one of the first things I did was run next door to check on my elderly grandmother. Her front steps were covered with ice so I sprinkled what I thought was cat litter on the steps. Unfortunately she informed me that what I thought was cat litter was actually Grandpa. | |
| Bob: | There hasn't been any rain or snow for days. How did her steps get icy. | |
| Steve: | The night before I heard a bunch of loud meowing and I noticed this stray over there making quite a racket. I got the garden hose and let him have it. He won't be back for a while.. | |
| Bob: | Well I guess you're not all bad news are you? | |
| Steve: | I didn't think so, but when I told Grandma, she asked me to describe the cat. She said my description sounded an awful lot like her cat Little Boots who she had been looking everywhere for in the last two months. | |
| Bob: | So I guess your bad luck started the night before. | |
| Steve: | Well if you count that cat incident as bad luck. Oh yea, and my visit to my Uncle Leonard's where he got all upset because I moved his telescope. I doubt it was a comet. | |
| Bob: | OK , well I think we better move forward in time. What happened that morning when you got back from your grandmothers?. | |
| Steve: | Old people do swear you know. Well I really thought luck was changing because when I got home I listened to some messages on the answering machine and my Dad finally got a call back for a job interview. | |
| Bob: | Well the day wasn't a complete wipeout at least. | |
| Steve: | I'm afraid it pretty much was actually since I forgot to give him the message. Then there was that thing with the paper I used to throw my gum away. | |
| Bob: | What are you talking about? | |
| Steve:: | Well, my Mom was taking me to my Surroundings Awareness Training and I apparently used a Powerball ticket to wrap my old gum in to get rid of it. | |
| Bob: | Don't tell me it was... | |
| Steve: | She had been playing those same numbers for 28 years, and luckily the store keeper knew it. He felt sorry for her and gave her all the day old bagels. | |
| Bob: | You had an accident on the way to the game too, didn't you? | |
| Steve: | Well that was really an unlucky combination of things happening all at the same time. My driving, it not snowing, and me trying to catch snowflakes with my tongue. | |
| Bob: | What do your letters from Publisher's Clearing House say? | |
| Steve: | "Steve Bartman. There's no way on God's green earth that you're ever going to win a prize." | |
| Bob: | Just a little advice before we part ways Steve. Don't ever play Russian Roulette. Always draw the last straw, and please please rout for whoever is playing against the Buffalo Bills. Maybe we'll finally win a super bowl. | |
| Speechboosters Home Page -
| ||
| Interviews
Of Yesterweek
| ||
| Bill Wenke 10/11/03 | ||
| California Gubernatorial Candidates 09/13/03 | ||
| Palace Guard 08/17/03 | ||
| Pope John Paul II 08/03/03 | ||
| Tiger Woods 07/27/03 | ||
| Howard Dean 06/15/03 | ||
| Darl McBride 06/15/03 | ||
| Cupid 06/08/03 | ||
| Javad Zarif 06/01/03 | ||
| Alan Greenspan 05/25/03 | ||
| Uncle Tonucci 05/18/03 | ||
| Fairy Tale Moms 05/11/03 | ||
| My Wife 05/04/03 | ||
| Tom White 04/27/02 | ||
| Lisa Marie Presley 04/20/03 | ||
| Easter Bunny 04/13/03 | ||
| Kim Jong-il 04/06/03 | ||
| Muhammed al-Douri 03/30/03 | ||
| George W. Bush 03/23/03 | ||
| Jacques Chirac 03/16/03 | ||
| Khalid Interview 03/09/03 | ||
| Saddam Hussein Interview 03/02/03 | ||
