.. Bob's Fabricated Interview
This week Bob holds his own ...
.....Presidential Debate
| Bob: | Good evening gentlemen, and
welcome the First Speechboosters Fabricated Presidential Debate. You're
both aware of the rules of tonight's contest, and you're both sneakier
than me, so I will use this inflatable hammer my kids have provided if I
feel the urge to calm the flow of sound coming out of you. I will ask a
question and you will each have 1 minute to answer it, or avoid it, or
skirt around it, or whatever it is you do. Just a reminder, I have an
inflatable hammer. President Bush after seven attempts and a
hand/finger formation that he said indicates nuclear weapon, has won
the rock/paper/scissors contest, and he has decided to go first.
So. My first question. Who do you feel is the most dangerous
Tele-tubby? |
|
| President Bush: | Without a
doubt iit's that Tinky Winky. I have supported legislation to eliminate
funding to families that wear Tinky Winky apparel. In addition to
his obvious Tinky Winkyness, the CIA has informed me that his antennae
has been used by Al Qaeda operatives, and that he plans to use Po as a
weapon of mass destruction. |
|
| Bob: | Senator Kerry... | |
| Senator Kerry: | Clearly
the most dangerous is LaLa. I have always thought so. Or maybe it's
Dipsy. Yes I'm certain it's Dipsy. Is Po really a weapon of mass
destruction? |
|
| Bob: | Moving on. McDonalds or Burger
King? Let's start with you this time Senator Kerry. |
|
| Senator Kerry: | McDonalds
has better fries, Burger King has those coffee shakes I really like, the
burgers are better at McDonalds, the burgers are bigger at Burger King.
Apple pies, I love apple pies, but the fish is better at Burger King.
The uniforms are nicer at McDonalds and they're blue, they're more
patriotic, but the coffee.... |
|
| Bob: | (Smacks Senator Kerry with the
inflatable hammer) What about you Mr. President? |
|
| President Bush: | We have
intelligence to suggest that Osama Bin Laden was tied to that extremely
hot coffee incident. If my military budget passes, we will live out the
next four years certain that Saddam Hussein will not affect the
temperature of coffee any longer in our McDonalds restaurants. |
|
| Bob: | .I have to say you are both
great at what you do. President Bush let's start with you again. When
will I be able to buy a new car? |
|
| President Bush: | With my
tax credits to middle income Americans, you'll be able to buy a car at
anytime over the next four years. My foreign policy may prevent you
from putting gas in it, but you'll be able to buy the car. |
|
| Bob: | How reassuring. What about you
Senator Kerry? Will I be able to buy that car with you as our
president? |
|
| Senator Kerry: | My wife
has one of those inflatable hammers. Or maybe it's a bat. No, I'm sure
it's a hammer. With me as your president, I will build a stronger
economy, and you'll be able to buy a new bat. |
|
| Bob: | So before we get to closing
statements, let me ask the question that's asked to millons of Americans
every day. The question we all struggle with at least once a week.
The kind of question only true leadership can guide us through.
Paper or plastic? Senator Kerry...
|
|
| Senator Kerry: |
You don't know the hours of blank stares that I have passed to clerks throughout our great country. I have hired an expert team to follow me into grocery stores and assess everything about the size weight and temperature of my groceries. If elected, I will deploy Paper or Plastic assessment teams in every grocery store in this country. |
|
| Bob: | Wow. How about you Mr. President, paper or plastic? | |
| President Bush: | Take a look at the deficit. What do you think? Plastic of course. I don't use cash for anything. Some Americans complain that there's too many trees being cut. Never mind environmental protection. Do what I do, use plastic. | |
| Bob: | I think I can safely say that your responses are unlikely to have swayed many voters tonight. Please in your closing arguments, tell us something about yourself personally that will get us on your side. | |
| Senator Kerry: | I've got corns. | |
| Bob: | Insightful. And you Mr. President? | |
| President Bush: | There's a soft side of me that America hasn't gotten to see because of the state of national security. What many people don't know is I've been to Iraq to visit Saddam Hussein. I gave him a hug, a noogie, and a small republican party pencil. I usually comfort the dictators I rush to overthrow. I think the American people should know that. | |
| Bob: | I'm so happy to have had the opportunity to provide this deep look into the lives of which one man will emerge our nation's leader. If anyone knows about a deal on real estate in Canada, we may be able to work out a Speechbooster's discount. I can't wait to see how this election unfolds! | |
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| Interviews
Of Yesterweek
| ||
| Olympic Judge 09/12/04 | ||
| Tom Ridge 08/08/04 | ||
| George Bush 07/15/04 | ||
| George Tenet 06/13/04 | ||
| Gay Mass. Couple 05/23/04 | ||
| Ray Romano 05/02/04 | ||
| Rupert Murdoch 03/21/04 | ||
| Bill Gates 03/07/04 | ||
| John Kerry 02/15/04 | ||
| Janet And Justin 02/01/04 | ||
| Russian Army 01/25/04 | ||
| Democratic Hopefuls 01/11/04 | ||
| Prahlad Jani 01/04/04 | ||
| Santa 12/14/03 | ||
| Tom The Turkey 11/23/03 | ||
| Steve Bartman 10/25/03 | ||
| Bill Welke 10/11/03 | ||
| California Gubernatorial Candidates 09/13/03 | ||
| Palace Guard 08/17/03 | ||
| Pope John Paul II 08/03/03 | ||
| Tiger Woods 07/27/03 | ||
| Howard Dean 06/22/03 | ||
| Darl McBride 06/15/03 | ||
| Cupid 06/08/03 | ||
| Javad Zarif 06/01/03 | ||
| Alan Greenspan 05/25/03 | ||
| Uncle Tonucci 05/18/03 | ||
| Fairy Tale Moms 05/11/03 | ||
| My Wife 05/04/03 | ||
| Tom White 04/27/02 | ||
| Lisa Marie Presley 04/20/03 | ||
| Easter Bunny 04/13/03 | ||
| Kim Jong-il 04/06/03 | ||
| Muhammed al-Douri 03/30/03 | ||
| George W. Bush 03/23/03 | ||
| Jacques Chirac 03/16/03 | ||
| Khalid Interview 03/09/03 | ||
| Saddam Hussein Interview 03/02/03 |
