... Bob's Fabricated Interview
This week Bob visits with ...
Santa
| Bob: |
Well here we are on the midst of the holidays. I just left home, a classic winter setting in the rolling snow covered hills of Hinesburg, Vermont. I now find myself in the frozen tundra of the North Pole, creeping up on the man who makes it all happen. No, not Alan Greenspan, Santa Claus. And don't worry. He's expecting me. Wow, would you look at all the lights, and not a blinker in the bunch, but it's sure awfully quiet for Santa's workshop at this time of year. I guess I'll just knock (knock, knock) | |
| Santa: |
Ho! Ho! Ho! Merry Christmas! Welcome Bob you funny little man. Welcome! Now remember you've been teetering on the naughty list with all those interviews you're doing. So be nice, and we'll see if we can't get you that new computer this year. |
|
| Bob: |
Oh I'll be good Santa. If being good gets me more gigahertz, I'll be good. Why's it so quiet? | |
| Santa: | Well we vendored out the workshop to Southeast Asia. | |
| Bob: |
What about the elves? | |
| Santa: | :I gave them all a cash balance plan, and most of them are making ends meet as jockeys. There's a couple of 'em that went to work as personal assistants for that naughty North Korean guy. Apparently he enjoys having them stand close to him | |
| Bob: | Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Wait a minute, what about the reindeer, the sleigh, Mrs. Claus.... ? | |
| Santa: |
:It's 2003. I'm going to have to bring you a calendar. The reindeer are fine, here, try some. As for the sleigh and Mrs. Claus, well I'm afraid Mrs. Claus got the sleigh in the divorce. Even though it was just once a year, I guess she didn't like me staying out all night. | |
| Bob: |
Santa, Oh Santa, You're here alone... in an empty workshop...no elves... no sleigh ... no Mrs. Claus! I'm gonna cry. | |
| Santa: | Well good. Now you know what it's like to be tricked. OK EVERYBODY YOU CAN COME OUT NOW! | |
| Nilly The Elf: | Hey Billy, look at his lip, the hook kinda sparkles, doesn't it? | |
| Billy The Elf: |
Good one Santa, gimme some skin big red. |
|
| Mrs. Claus |
Now Chris, you apologize to the nice boy.
|
|
| Bob: | Oh there's no need Mrs. Claus. I think Santa pulling my leg is a good lesson in humility for me. He only did it because he loves me | |
| Santa:: | That, and that Howard Dean guy slipped me a $100.... gotcha! | |
| Bob: | OK Santa, since everything appears more as I expected now, let me ask what I really came here to ask. | |
| Santa: |
How many times do I have to explain, if you don't have a chimney, I use the door. OK, it’s less dramatic, but truthfully, there's stuff in most chimneys that you wouldn't like sliding next to. |
|
| Bob: | Santa, I wanted to know how we're doing. | |
| Santa: | People still believe in me. They believe in you. They believe in each other. The news may look gray, but the media can't see what I can see. There will be peace on earth because more and more of us, every year, believe in each other. We're going to be OK. | |
| Bob: | No, I meant in the fantasy football pool, how are we doing? | |
| Santa: | Well I told you not to pick that Bledsoe guy, he's got jelly in his belly... | |
| Bob: |
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays from Speechboosters. | |
| Interviews
Of Yesterweek
| ||
| Tom The Turkey 11/23/03 | ||
| Steve Bartman 10/25/03 | ||
| Bill Wenke 10/11/03 | ||
| California Gubernatorial Candidates 09/13/03 | ||
| Palace Guard 08/17/03 | ||
| Pope John Paul II 08/03/03 | ||
| Tiger Woods 07/27/03 | ||
| Howard Dean 06/22/03 | ||
| Darl McBride 06/15/03 | ||
| Cupid 06/08/03 | ||
| Javad Zarif 06/01/03 | ||
| Alan Greenspan 05/25/03 | ||
| Uncle Tonucci 05/18/03 | ||
| Fairy Tale Moms 05/11/03 | ||
| My Wife 05/04/03 | ||
| Tom White 04/27/02 | ||
| Lisa Marie Presley 04/20/03 | ||
| Easter Bunny 04/13/03 | ||
| Kim Jong-il 04/06/03 | ||
| Muhammed al-Douri 03/30/03 | ||
| George W. Bush 03/23/03 | ||
| Jacques Chirac 03/16/03 | ||
| Khalid Interview 03/09/03 | ||
| Saddam Hussein Interview 03/02/03 |